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Tuesday, April 11, 2006 

Television Tuesday

Well, we got the great news yesterday that Kiefer has signed on for at least three more years as Jack Bauer. You would think that this would give us some level of comfort that Jack was going to survive this, the fifth installment of the worst day of his life, but I’m not taking the bait just yet. Nothing with “24” is as it seems, and this may be no different. After all, they did bump Kiefer up to Executive Producer, so maybe this is all one big diversion leading up to the biggest surprise in television history…the death of Jack Bauer this season! I know it sounds nuts, but crazier things have happened. I mean, Chris Reitsma did retire the Phillies 1-2-3 in the ninth last night. In other words, anything is possible. Alright, without further ado, let’s get down to business:


First and foremost, I’m stunned, literally stunned that there are incompetent and moronic people running the operation and trying to have Jack arrested! Oh, wait a minute…that happens every year! Well, maybe not every year, but enough to really piss me off. I can’t even begin to tell you how infuriating this is. Oh well, terrorists are clearly no match for Jack Bauer, I guess Homeland Security just evens the playing field. So, is the absurdity of Jack having to dodge the authorities enough to dampen my enthusiasm for “24”? Not a chance. This season is registering a perfect 10 on the excitement meter, and I’m already counting the minutes until next Monday night. That being said, here’s five questions after last night’s episode:

1) How did it take the bank manager thirty minutes to recognize Wayne Palmer? As much as I love “24”, there are about three things in every episode that are just so absurd that you have to just pretend they didn’t happen…this was definitely one of those things. (by the way, Jack having Aaron Pierce’s number programmed under his real name on his phone is another one of these things) No, I’m not being all high and mighty and saying that every American should recognize a former White House Chief of Staff (although they should, but this country is full of un-informed people that don’t watch the news…they are called democrats. Sorry, couldn’t resist). What I am saying is that there is NO WAY that anybody with a t.v. wouldn’t know what the President’s brother looked like. Maybe this isn’t a big thing, but it really got to me. Okay, I’m nuts…moving on…

2) Why didn’t Jack kill Evelyn and her daughter? I know, I know, this sounds incredibly heartless, but you have to stop and think about it. There was only one way Henderson was going to find out where Jack was, and that was if he got his hands on Evelyn. So, what does Jack do? He leaves a bleeding Evelyn alone with her ten year old daughter! He had to know this wasn’t a good idea. Killing them would have been tough, but it was the right thing to do for the country. I mean, he had no qualms at all about leading innocent members of the L.A.P.D. to the slaughter, but he just decided to chance it with Evelyn and her daughter? This just doesn’t make any sense. As much as it pains me to say this, Jack screwed up here. Granted, it wasn’t as bad as when he trusted Henderson and almost got himself blown to pieces, but it was bad.

3) At some point in last night’s episode, my roommate, the legendary Hans, declared that he wanted to marry Chloe. I know this isn’t a question, but there was NO WAY I could let this slide…NO WAY!

4) How are things going to fall apart next for Jack? So, he’s got the proof that it was Logan behind everything. We saw in the previews for next week that he’s going to get the proof in Secretary of Defense Heller’s hands, and the SecDef (that’s a little lingo I picked up from a great show that appears to have simply disappeared, “E-Ring”, but that’s a whole other column) confronts Logan. It seems like everything is going to work out perfectly. There is just one little problem though…we have seven episodes left! Something is going to go terribly wrong, I just can’t figure out what it is yet.

5) Are we really getting no more Elisha Cuthbert? I absolutely refuse to believe this. I won’t accept it.

“The Sopranos”

Another great episode, but another episode that left us shaking our heads. “The Sopranos” is fighting a unique and uphill battle this year because we all know that we are drawing closer and closer to the conclusion of the entire series. Therefore, we want every episode to bring great revelations and get us closer to what we hope is the greatest television conclusion of all time. That’s a lot of pressure for any show, much less a show that is as complicated as “The Sopranos”. I’ve head a lot of grumbling and whispering that the show has lost its fastball this year, but I think that’s just because people are grading it on an impossible curve. If everyone just remains calm and patient, I guarantee we won’t be let down. In fact, when it’s all said and done, I think people are going to look back on this season as one of the finest. Well, enough slurping, and let’s move on to some predictions for upcoming weeks:

1) Johnny Sack’s reign as the King of Brooklyn can be measured in days and not weeks. I mean, Phil’s opinion of him as a man plummeted this week, so that should be enough…right? Here’s how it’s going to go down: Phil has been dying for revenge for over a year for Tony B. killing his little brother, so when Tony offs Rusty Milio, Phil will blame Johnny and use this as a reason to lead a revolt among Johnny’s captains. I mean, after he stayed loyal for all those years he was locked up, Phil hasn’t gotten the respect or appreciation he deserves, or so he thinks. His overthrow of Johnny Sack isn’t a question of if, it’s when. Johnny will get whacked in jail, Phil will seek his revenge against Tony’s people, and war will ensue. The North Jersey vs. Brooklyn war will be the ultimate climax to the series. Just remember that you heard it here first.

2) At some point this season, Dr. Melfi will tell Tony that she was raped all those years ago and three things will happen: 1) Tony will console her and she will finally give him that sympathy…uh…yea…that thing he’s been hoping for all these years; 2) Tony will hunt down and kill the man who did it and everybody that ever knew him; and 3) this will be the end of Dr. Melfi and Tony’s relationship.

3) Meadow is going to dump Finn and marry me. Okay, I have again blurred the line between reality and make believe. Fine, so I’m not going to marry Meadow, but I’d be happy with a real life girl just like her. So, if anybody knows a gorgeous, intelligent, Italian, Catholic girl with a mob boss for a dad, please give her my number.

4) I don’t know if he’s going to do it to himself, or if somebody else is going to have to do it, but one way or the other, Vito is going down! No pun intended. Fine, it was intended, and damn it, it was funny!

The interesting thing about Vito, other than the 3,000 lbs he's lost, is that he appeared as an extra on the Sopranos before becoming Vito.

In season 1 (or maybe 2) he appears as a customer at a donut shop. Christopher got sent to the shop to pick up donuts for everybody, and the guy behind the counter made him wait forever. Christopher pulled a gun on Vito and threw him out of the store, then he shot the donut guy.

I guess when the producers were trying to find a guy that gives good head, they thought of him.

Today's one of those days that I really don't want to be at work. Here's the best of what I found on the web this morning:

Parents of the year print false obituary saying their kid died, just to get a few days off work:


Kid: Mommy, mommy, Jesus loves porn stars.

Mom: Where did you hear that?

Kid: The bible told me so.


Goldenpalace.com buys Jerry Garcia's toilet seats, and the bathtub that MLK's assassin stood in.


Man wonders if he really bought crack. When he asks two uniformed cops, they arrest him.


And finally, somebody really must be pissed off about this joke:


here ya go fite:

Capel takes over as Oklahoma coach

By JEFF LATZKE, AP Sports Writer
April 11, 2006

NORMAN, Okla. (AP) -- Jeff Capel was hired as Oklahoma's basketball coach Tuesday, resigning at Virginia Commonwealth to replace Kelvin Sampson and take over a program under NCAA investigation.

I can't pretend to follow Virginia Commonwealth, but from what I can tell this looks like a solid hire.

I like the fact that he grew up around the game as a coache's son, and I'm sure he learned a thing or two playing for Coach K. Hopefully he'll turn out to be Stoops II, another young coach ready for a big chance.

I think Capel is an awesome hire! He's had success, and your Stoops comparison might be dead on. He's young, bright, comes from a great family and coaching pedigree. I think the folks in Norman will be very happy with him. Well, after all, all he has to do is not screw up the football team and they will be happy.

Feel free to make fun, but I've got to give a big Boomer Sooner to the OU men's gymnastics team, winning their fourth national championship in the past five years.


From now on in Wadville, Oklahoma will be known as a gymnastics school.

Question of the day:

What's black, round, and in the bowling hall of fame?


Seriously dude! I can't believe you posted that. I feel a lot like Phil did the other night after seeing Johnny Sack break down at the wedding. Just awful!

Keep up the good work »

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Weekly Top 7

All-Time Top 7 Sports Movies

7) Kingpin - "The world can really kick your ass. I only have a vague recollection of when it wasn't kickin' mine" - Roy Munson

6) Caddyshack - "Don't sell yourself short Judge. You're a tremendous slouch." - Ty Webb

5) Major League - "Want me to drag him outta here, kick the shit out of him?" - Rick Vaugh

4) Eight Men Out - "Say it ain't so Joe. Say it ain't so." - Pee Wee

3) Rocky - "If I can go that distance, you see, and that bell rings and I'm still standin', I'm gonna know for the first time in my life, see, that I weren't just another bum from the neighborhood." - Rocky Balboa

2) The Natural - "I coulda been better. I coulda broke every record in the book." - Roy Hobbs


1) Hoosiers - "My team's on the floor!" - Coach Dale


Getting this Laker team into the playoffs is the best coaching job Phil has ever done. Now he can list "The WAD" Man of the Week right next to his 9 rings on his list of accomplishments. Is there any reason for him to keep going?

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